Hazy days.

Illness is still the name of the game here just now although things are improving slowly. There are so many things I want to talk about, but just now it's a case of getting through each day. If I can keep on top of the mess, keep us fed and clean, keep us from boredom, then thats enough for that day. I keep wording posts in my head during the settling to sleep times, the feeds, the cleaning up mess, but they are disjointed and rambling and by the time I sit down with the laptop they are gone from my mind, or other more pressing uses for the laptop are calling. So I'll post about sleep, and small person nursing, and thoughts on parenting, and other general things that make up our family on another day. Today I'll just share some pictures of how things are here.

Heather is doing a lot of this lately:


She is getting so frustrated that she can't do the things she wants to. How difficult it must be for her right now, knowing what she wants but having to wait for someone to pass it to her. Or managing to get hold of the elusive object but not having the strength to keep hold for long, or even the understanding of where it keeps going. So a lot of cuddling, a lot of conversation consisting of cooed replies, a lot of passing and dropping and re-passing and re-dropping.

Night time visitors:


We have a paved yard surround by eight foot walls with no way in apart from a small hole cut in the gate for Delilah to come and go, so I'm guessing thats how he arrived. Although where he came from is a mystery as the nearest large piece of open ground or hedgehog type habitat is at least 300 yards away. Delilah seems quite happy to share her food with him though doesn't she?

This has been the weather of late:


Cloudy, cold, raining by the bucket, howling winds and general greyness all around. But we still find chances to go out and play. A new park discovered by John and loved by Owen, Cain and Sophie:


And after all the running around sleep comes more easily:


Giving me time to clean and tidy, something that has taken a back seat since Heather arrived here with us but now I have my neat and tidy home almost back. I know, it's stupid to be obsessed with tidiness with so many children, and then HE'ing as well, but I just need neatness and order for at least some of the time. I have to tidy before I go to sleep because it affects my mood terribly if I come down to an untidy room in the morning. Thats just how I am.


And as the day ends its time for a cup of fruit tea, a piece of cake and a catch up:


OK the cake isn't real but it is kind of sweet don't you think? John came across a lady knitting them for charity at a car boot sale so bought a selection. Yes I could have done them myself but sometimes it's nice to admire anothers work. Very realistic don't you think?

Impressed..........perhaps not.

Not sure Heather likes missing out on all the picnic fun!

Autumn days.

The biggest and the smallest to be found in last weeks organic box, a tiny caterpillar and a huge marrow:

Meeting mythical tree beings on woodland walks:

Secret tunnels ready for exploring:

So many hungry ducks:

Owen took this photo. A blaze of red in a sea of green:

Keep to the path? Then how would we find the biggest conkers?

I don't want to care........

That most foods are sprayed with all kinds of crap before it reaches our plates.
That my children want to sleep next to us.
That breastmilk is the best food for a human baby.
That our children don't fit into the standard educational ideal.
That high street clothes are mostly made by poor, malnourished, and desperate families in faraway countries.
That animals are forcefed crap and boosted with chemicals just to provide food for humans.
That my children are my children always....not just until the day they leave the family home.
That using the car adds to the damage already being done to our fragile planet and the health of its inhabitants.
That quick and esay processed foods contain either no or limited artificial nutritional content.
That burning coal or gas is depleting our planet of its limited resources.
That supermarket giants are monopolising the consumer industry and pushing independant retailers towards collapse.
That our atmosphere is a jumble of radio waves, microwaves, mobile phone signals, wireless signals.
That little babies need to be with their mamas for as much time as possible during their early months.
That shouting, yelling, screaming, smacking and badly disciplining children sets the path to a dysfunctional adulthood.
That pushing prams, sleeping in bouncing chairs, sitting in swings for prolonged periods creates a detachment from family and society that grows as the child grows.
That children have their own thoughts, feelings and choices.
That cosmetics and cleansing agents are jammed full of harsh abrasive chemicals that pollute our waterways, and ruin our skin.
That nature is beautiful whether it is hot, cold, dry or wet.
That being a mum should be the most important thing one chooses to do.
That declining mothers milk should be the choice of the child and not the mama.
That the environment is being ruined by consumer industry and the need for new and cheap clothes, furnishings, belongings.
That disposable nappies are stuffed with chemicals that damage our babies skins and potentially their ability to create a family.
That people are dying from lack of basic amenities.
That the world is dying.

Because if I didn't care about these things, then this morning I wouldn't have hid in the bedroom and cried. And I wouldn't be crying now.........

xxx

Poorly children.

How awful it is when the little ones are ill. Cain has had a raging temperature over the weekend, sore head, neck, mouth and lips, and at one point was rambling incoherently and talking to all the ants on the floor!! Fortunately he is feeling better now and is beginning to run and jump and play again. Less fortunate is the fact that now both Owen and Sophie seem to have the same virus. Owen came downstairs at 4am and has been unwell since. Emma was asked to collect Sophie from nursery as she appeared unwell and she is now sleeping on the sofa. Not sure what kind of a night we will have as Sophie is with us again tonight whilst her mum works so two poorly ones to look after. Sleep is very elusive at the moment and is limited to only 3-4 hours each night. Although this does allow time for much thinking, knitting and inventing new blogs....

Before the illness descended we had been busy bringing our season table into the present. Owen is now really enjoying this and takes charge of "his" season table with great enjoyment. Autumn is such a great time for sparking interest, so much to see and collect. Here's how ours is looking just now:

Owen also had fun building his own car from last weeks empty organic box. All his own work and includes mirrors, wheels and exhaust.



And this is what everyone gets up to when I try to get an uninterrupted five minutes in the bath:

Belonging, bread and assorted ramblings.

Do you ever feel you don't quite belong? I think this is going to be one of THOSE posts. I must be going through one of those phases, or reaching a transitional stage in my life. The transition from where to what I have no idea right now, but maybe in a short while I will. Well I hope it takes only a short while. I'm feeling very "on the outside" at the moment. Not sure of the reason, nothing has changed as far as I'm aware. I still have the same beliefs, the same principals, the same ethics as I have followed or evolved over the years. I still have the same people in my life as over the past few years. But still I feel as if something is changing. Maybe its the settling in of autumn, always my favourite time of year.

One of my favourite places to be until recently was an online forum I discovered a while ago. The people there were/are lovely. But just lately I feel myself drifting away, and having to make a concerted effort to post there. Not because I don't care, or don't want to belong, I really do, but just because I feel that I really don't quite fit in. No-one makes me feel that way, quite the opposite in fact, it's just me. Maybe I'm asking too much. Of course theres no-one else just like me, we're all different, and that makes this world such a special place, but still.........what difference are important and can't be ignored, and which can?

Today I have sorted out Heather's old clothes. She is just moving into size 3-6 month clothes. Not bad considering she was only just 7lb at birth and is only just turned 3 months. Whilst I was packing away the newborn clothing into one box, and the 0-3 months into another I realised that the only clothes I bought new for her were a pack of 3 organic cotton babygrows and a pack of 2 organic rompers, both sets in newborn size. When I bought them I just wanted something that was purely for my little girl, no-one elses baby. All the rest of the clothes she has worn have been handmade, or pre-loved and bought through ebay, charity shops, car boot sales, donated by real life friends, online friends or previously worn by Owen or Cain, or Sophie. In fact some of the clothes have been worn by both of Heather's brothers and her niece too. And they've all been packed away waiting for another little one to wear them one day. I wonder how many little clothes are discarded each day that could still have so much wear left in them? And I wonder when Heather will next wear a brand new item of clothing bought from a shop? Maybe not for a long, long time.

My bread machine is not happy. The lid is at a strange angle and I think this is causing heat to escape and the bread to sink. So we have been having only handbaked bread. I didn't think it was possible to keep up with the demand for bread if I only handbaked but I have come to a routine which means that it really isn't any trouble at all. Every morning I prepare and knead the dough whilst John lights the fire. Then I leave the dough to rise by the fire for an hour or two. Around 10:30am I bake the bread and so by lunchtime we have a loaf ready for our meal and the rest of the day. If we are going out in the morning of that day I do all this the night before so that the bread is ready for the following day. It really isn't as much hassle as I thought. Which is silly really as I used to handbake a couple of loaves a week anyway, but more to top up the bread from the machine. Not sure what to do about the bread machine now? Keep it for back-up? Discard of it somehow? But I'm pretty sure the new bread routine will continue as it is therapeutic as well as delicious and filling ;-)

Autumn is wonderful. Brisk walks in the cool crisp mornings, collecting logs for the fire. Curtains drawn early for snuggly evenings in. Knitting, lots of knitting, hats, jumpers, scarves, all kinds of warm woolies. Conkers, crunchy leaves, acorns, windy days. And lovely meals. Porridge for breakfast, homemade soups and bread for lunch, and lots of veggie casseroles and bakes with hot puddings for our evening meals. Yum!

We have very little money at the moment, we are budgeting very carefully. Organic and/or fair trade food is sooo expensive. But I won't compromise on this. I will not feed my children something that is so against my beliefs. I would love to say "oh its too expensive, I have to compromise" but I can't. Why can't I? Surely it won't hurt to give them the cheaper mass marketed products?

Free and friendly heat, yay. It's getting colder now, the fire is being lit in the mornings and evenings. John has discovered a veritable mountain of logs and tree cuttings and has permission to take what he chooses. So he now cycles down every few days with the child trailer attached, chops up a supply and brings it home. So we're looking forward to a warm winter, with no guilt over using gas, electricity or coal, and for no monetary cost too. Isn't that great?

Well this has turned a little money orientated hasn't it? I guess the worries are there even though I'm trying to hide them. Is anyone else adept at making the smallest amount of cash last for a whole week? Thank goodess for the organic boxes and the knowledge of how to make a little go a long way..........

Nature's bounty.

We have an old plastic crate in the corner of the yard. No idea why it was left where it was. But over the months it has been steadily filling up with bits of nothing. The leftovers from the pot plants that failed to thrive this year, some kitchen peelings thrown in there when dearest husband has been to lazy to go to the bottom of the yard, a couple of sprouting potatoes and a broken plate or two for safe storage until paper was found to wrap them in. The crate has indeed been mouldering away for quite a while, it has grown some strange tendrils and some more recognisable greenery. Yesterday we pulled it out into the middle of the yard to finally decide what should be done with it. It didn't look too pleasant, but also not too bad. John pulled away the dying greenery and was surprised to find a couple of new baby potatoes. So he routed with his hands and found a few more. The boys came to see what was going on and soon they were delving in too. They disappeared into the house and reappeared with spoons in hands. And so the digging began. They unearthed a reasonable amount of potatoes, enough I think for an evening meal, or a nice bowl of potato salad. Tomorrow we will decide what to do with them. Cain is looking forward to cooking his "puds" but I think owen has already had his favourite part of the whole experience, his amazed discovery on turning over the contents of the crate. "Look mum, thats compost....COMPOST.....you grow carrots in it!" He told us all about how you use cardboard and leaves and old food and soil and worms to make the compost good. And how did he know all of this? Through listening to us talking about it in the spring, and from one poorly day on the sofa watching an episode of Tommy Zoom, eco warrior for the under 5's. So Owen's compost is now stored in a safe part of the yard ready for use next year.




Something else that has surprised the boys this week...........how something they couldn't possibly eat can be made into a delicious drink. From sour lemons to delicious refreshing lemonade.


They've been out with dad again to raid the forgotten apple tree. You know, I have no idea where this apple tree is and they enjoy their secret so much that I don't think I ever will know. They just love setting off in the bike-car (the trailer behind John's bike) and coming back home with a pile of apples to turn into cakes and pies.

I'm so glad we made the decision to allow the boys to learn at their own pace without the input from schools and government guidelines and local authorities. We would miss out on so much without this and the boys would find it hard to discover what a wonderful thing nature is, and how we need to look after our precious earth.